


(Im)perfect Soldier

by Nimiamlove



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angry Tony, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Kidnapped Tony Stark, Light Angst, M/M, Natasha Romanov Knows All, Nick Fury is a Good Bro, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 04:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11960019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nimiamlove/pseuds/Nimiamlove
Summary: After Tony is kidnapped, Steve decides to reveal his feelings to the brunet. Resulting in painful truths.





	(Im)perfect Soldier

 

Tony was taken.

 

It was a blink of an eye, in one moment he was in the sky and then in next there was a robot opening up his armor like a fish can and drawing his unconscious body out.

 

Steve stared transfixed at the action, there was no shout from Tony on the Comms, no warning; it simply happened before his eyes. He remembered sending Falcon after the bot, but it was to no avail, the machine was too fast.

 

It transpired during a silly fight, explosive robots causing havoc in the city; a normal Thursday.

 

And as soon Tony was taken the fight was over. The remaining robots turning off like puppets without strings.

 

The team felt the defeat rise around them like a heat wave; they were trying to process what just happened.

 

Steve felt like a failure while Natasha contacted SHIELD through her earpiece, talking fast like a madwoman; her Russian accent making it known.

 

Steve felt like it was his first day on the field; he never prepared for a member of the team being kidnapped in mid-fight, it never happened before. Besides the battle was easy, a piece of cake. _We were winning_ , Steve tries to reason with himself, trying not to feel guilty and failing.

 

Arriving at the SHIELD headquarters was difficult, not because the place was in the middle of the ocean, no, it was the judging stares from the foot-soldiers, the field agents, the look that said 'you didn't watch out his back', 'you left him behind'.

 

Steve wanted to cringe.

 

But the worst was facing director Fury.

 

The man was angrier than usual and his eyes were no less judging than from his personnel.

 

"What happened back there" He snarled at the team, glaring at Steve.

 

Clint came to their defense, "It wasn't our fault, we were winning, it happened too fast, everything went according to plan," he said like he wanted to believe his own words.

 

"I'll tell you what went wrong" Fury snapped at them, moving to a big screen and typing something.

 

The screen started to broadcast the video from their battle.

 

Steve could perceive nothing out of the ordinary... until he could, like a darkened room being lit up and exposing the cracks in the walls.

 

He could clearly see the amused look on their faces, Clint was having fun shooting the bots to oblivion, Natasha was not far behind, and she even smiled while beheading one of the robots.

 

They were having fun and the Steve in the screen was smiling as he threw his shield to Sam to beat the robots in the air with it and then bounce the shield back to him like it was a game and not the real deal.

 

Steve held up a gasp when he saw Iron Man protecting Widow's back from a killing shot, the redhead spy didn't see one of the machines creeping out behind her, but Tony did. He saved her and as soon he was flying towards the sky to cover Sam's back (who was distracted returning the shield) a robot attacked him and another and another.

 

Tony was doing great even crowded, but when a robot crept up behind him with a lamp post and hit him in the head with it, he fell straight forward to the ground.

 

Fury stopped the vid there, staring at them with cold eyes. "See now what went wrong" he barked "You got comfortable; lost the sight of the objective, let a team mate cover all of your asses while you were having fun showing off your skills. I can expect that from Barton or Wilson... anyone, but not from you Cap, you surprised me. You are the fucking team captain; you should be the one covering all their asses"

 

Clint and Sam looked down, eyes and expressions full of shame, they were betting on who wrecked more bots; Natasha was winning.

 

Steve wanted to slap himself, he should be paying attention, and it wasn't like Tony was too far away when it happened. He did not even see Iron Man be hit with the lamp post, a feat that isn't easy to hide considering the size of it.

 

Fury let his words sink into their brains before hissing "dismissed".

 

Steve retreated from his guilt "No! We are going to help search for him!" He saw in the corner of his eyes the remaining Avengers nod in acquaintance with his words.

 

"You did enough Captain, all of you. Let the grown-ups work now" Fury turned his back on them to talk with his agents.

 

Steve felt the weight of the words crash on his head. Fury was right, they acted like children and that cost Tony.

 

The team could do nothing but leave; they could feel the unwelcomeness in the air.

 

Of course, in the next hours, the team showed up to help search the possible locations that Tony was being held.

 

Fury had looked crossed at them but hadn't said anything.

 

The team had spent the hours before the fight drowning in guilt, Steve the most. If he hadn't been showing off to Sam he might have seen the robot that came behind Tony... or if he had paid attention to Tony at all.

 

He was angry at Tony, the whole team was angry at Tony, possibly the world.

 

After Tony built Ultron, the Avengers were two people down, Bruce was hiding and Thor was off-world. The new additions to the team weren't ready, still on training.

 

Wanda didn't pass the basic training at SHIELD and was doing it again and Vision decided to go word-traveling to 'understand better the human behavior'. War Machine was still too tied up with the army to help, and Sam was the only one well trained.

 

Steve was glad Tony decided not to leave the team after the Sokovia mess, but he was still fuming by what the brunet did. So he chose to ignore him until his anger died out.

 

Sitting here now, in the uncomfortable chair studying a map of empty warehouses, Steve couldn't help but to regret his childish attitude and notice things he missed before.

 

Steve could now remember the brunet's smile fading a bit each time he ignored him and his jokes like he was a background noise.

 

How hopeful his eyes glanced up at him, expecting acknowledgment or approval on a comment or idea he came up with just to be met with unpassionate (cold eyes) he purposely made to show him how he was still mad.

 

How he regretted that.

 

Tony was withdrawing from the team, and it was his own fault.

 

He didn't discourage Clint's mean jabs at the genius about Ultron. He ignored him and rejected his presence, doing things they normally did together with Sam instead, things that were just theirs and bragging at Tony later, relishing the hurt look in his brown eyes, thinking he was right in punishing him that way.

 

After that, he didn't recall seeing Tony anywhere but his lab and Nat was the only one who visited him down there. Gosh, he had even gotten angry with that, thinking Tony was hiding from his problems in the workshop.

 

How wrong he was, no wonder Tony didn't scream for help when trapped by the robots... he thought no one was going to help him.

 

Steve wanted to strangle himself. He wanted so badly to Tony to apologize to him about keeping Ultron a secret from the team but, he pushed the brunet away. Steve had hurt him with his petty behavior.

 

He searched the maps for hours, guilt and stubbornness keeping him going. The rest of the team wasn't any better, Clint was in a recon with Nat, and Sam was with the military, looking from there.

 

And it took almost a week to find the genius, and it was Fury who brought him home.

 

When Steve heard they found him, he felt relieved and happy; it was his chance to make things right between them. Clint, who was beside him, had to sit down to breathe; the Archer also had time to ruminate on his behavior towards Tony, his eyes were full of hope and unshed tears, Tony and him had been close before Ultron.

 

They ran to SHIELD's hospital just to hear from the doctor that Tony was resting and not inclined to have visitors at the moment.

 

Steve tried not to crumble at the doctor's words about not being able to see him immediately; at least the woman said that Tony was well, considering... he was slightly dehydrated and malnourished and had taken some beating too.

 

Steve let Natasha and Clint perform their jobs on the captors; if he went there he might kill those men for injuring the genius.

 

So he stood in front Tony's hospital room, waiting.

 

Steve stayed there for so long that he noticed the nurses had changed their shifts and were serving dinner.

 

After a while, he heard loud footsteps in the silent corridor and saw Director Fury approaching.

 

"Cap, what are you still doing here? I thought you were at the compound, it’s late" He came to stand in front of Steve.

 

The blond soldier looked up from his seat on the cheap blue plastic chair "I'm waiting to see him"

 

Fury looked at him with barely concealed pity "I was informed he doesn't want visitors"

 

Steve let out a long sigh "I thought that might be the case, I didn't want to believe tho" he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

 

"Go home captain, he will be alright" Fury put his hands into his pockets.

 

"Who took him" Steve found himself asking.

 

This time it was Fury who sighed "It was AIM" he sat on the chair beside the blond "after Tony beat the Mandarin, some remaining employees decided to get together again and rebuild. They made a lot of progress in two years; I think they were being funded"

 

Steve hummed in agreement, lost in thought. Tony didn't want to see him and he had no right to feel sad about that, he was the one who treated the smaller man with an arm's length and cold stares, Tony had every right to avoid him.

 

Nick observed the soldier's pining face "Look, Cap, I'm just an old man who cares deeply about the brat behind this door" he pointed to Tony's room.

 

Steve blinked at that, turning his face to look at the other man, puzzled. He never heard such kind words come from the man's mouth, especially, when involved Tony.

 

Nick continued, ignoring Steve's awed expression "I know things hadn't been easy for him and the team after the Ultron fiasco, but that wasn't just on him. That Witch messed up with his brain, made him see things that scared him" he said in an easy tone like he didn't know he was changing the blond's world; and he probably didn't.

 

Steve felt his stomach sink, he hated that Wanda entered his mind and made him remember the life he would never have. And to know that it also happened to Tony, it nauseated him.

 

"He never told me that," Steve said in a whisper, trying to keep breathing from the small panic this information caused.

 

"Of course not, you were too busy berating him to listen to what he was trying to say" Fury shrugged, unconcerned about Steve's remorse.

 

"Look, I just wanna say that if your team pull that stunt again and put his life at risk I'll reassign Iron Man to West Coast to lead the new team I'm gathering" He got up to leave, observing the soldier's face lose color "Evening, Captain" He left through the corridors he came.

 

Steve felt cold, the seriousness of his past actions towards the brunet weighing on his mind, the only thought he had was 'I have to fix this' chanting over and over in his head.

 

After waiting for some more hours he went home, Tony wasn't going to see him that day... and neither on the next.

 

The brunet spent 36 hours in the hospital until he was discharged to go home.

 

Steve had destroyed so many punch bags during those hours that the compound was left with none.

 

And when Tony arrived back home the 'catch me if you can' game started.

 

The genius stuck himself in the workshop and never left.

 

Steve didn't even catch the sight of him when he arrived and Tony was already pushing his body to the limit; he barely left the hospital and was busy like always, like he hasn't been kidnapped and banged up.

 

Steve was desperate; not being able to visit Tony in the hospital made him want to pull his hair out and now that the brunet was so close yet so far made him want to scream out loud in frustration.

 

Steve was so distracted with his thoughts that he didn't see when Natasha entered the kitchen and started the coffee machine, glancing at his faraway eyes from time to time.

 

"Aren't you tired of brooding?" She asked, making the soldier bring his attention back to the present.

 

"Hmm," He noticed her.

 

"Are you done picking on Tony's pigtails like a kindergarten?" She filled her mug and came to sit before him on the countertop. "Are you ready to man up and confess your feelings for him?”

 

Steve choked on nothing "I don't have feelings for him!" he blushed in embarrassment and in a bit of annoyance.

 

"The annihilated punch bags say otherwise" she smirked behind her mug, preferring not to mention his red cheeks.

 

Steve deflated "I just feel bad about the way I have been treating him since Ultron, I was out of line... and with his kidnapping and now his avoidance... It's all my fault, I was so angry at him that I let it cloud my reason" The blond sighed tiredly.

 

Natasha observed him critically "Wanna know the actual reason behind your anger?" she asked cryptically.

 

He squinted at her impatiently, nodding for her to continue.

 

"You felt betrayed, cheated," she said in a matter of fact. "He didn't trust you enough to share that information with you, a part of himself"

 

She sipped her coffee glancing up at him, seeing an expression form on his face that confirmed her assumptions. "You pushed him away because you wanted him to feel as betrayed as he made you feel. You care so much about him and that made you vulnerable, by pushing him away you felt like regaining the power you gave Tony to affect you”

 

Steve looked up at her again, a little scared “You know more about me than I know about myself!" he exclaimed, coming to the realization that she is right. He does love Tony. "You should have told me that months ago..." he passed a hand over his face, deflating.

 

She looked at him, appearing to make a difficult decision "Tony is in the workshop" Natasha declared.

 

The soldier looked at her a little doubtful "you know he is in lockdown".

 

"I also know his override, 39-03-19-63" She stood up to leave "Fix this. If you blow it over I don't think you will have another chance" before she went through the doorway she warned him "Steve, hurt him again and you won't see what hit you"

 

Steve felt goose bumps form on the skin of his arms and his heartbeat increase on his chest; anxiety and adrenaline overtaking his senses by the new opportunity.

 

He got up fast and dashed in the direction of the stairs, going down to the workshop, jumping four steps at once.

 

He barely put in the codes on the panel to open the door before stumbling inside the room.

 

Steve glanced around, searching for Tony.

 

He found the back of his brown hair behind a table, working on a hologram.

 

Steve approached him carefully, remembering Nat's words about not blowing this over and the consequences if he did.

 

Tony heard the hiss from the doors opening and turned back to look. He froze when saw the soldier.

 

"You know, you should be resting, not working" Steve came to stand before him, maintaining a considerable distance between them.

 

"Cap, how you got in?" the genius asked with a raised eyebrow, crossing his arms.

 

Tony was wearing an MIT hoodie and yoga pants, he appeared to be tired but well; the blond was glad for it.

 

Steve ignored the question "I just want to know if you're okay... I went to visit you at the hospital, but the doctor said no visitors" He was nervous and knew he was babbling. Steve wanted a chance to talk to him so badly that now that he had, he didn't know what to say.

 

"I'm fine Rogers, thanks for your concern".

 

Steve could clearly hear the dismissal in his tone, he couldn't give up now.

 

"I'm sorry Tony," Steve said this time, observing the genius bite the inside of his cheeks.

 

"Sorry for what, it wasn't your fault that piece of bad machinery cut my suit open like butter" Tony glared at the said armor spread out on the table aside.

 

Steve grabbed a vacant chair nearby and sat down to be at eye-level with the smaller man. "I am sorry for not watching your back, I was..." Steve fought to find a word "...It was very unprofessional of me".

 

"Well" Tony squinted at him "water under the bridge, Cap" the brunet brushed off, shrugging "I'm fine and dandy"

 

"No, Tony!" Steve was angry again, on his behalf; how could Tony brush off what happened, he should be mad at him.

 

Tony looked at the blond with wide eyes at the small outburst, taken aback. But soon his eyes hardened, realizing all this was about (internally cursing the fact that he has some weird sense to Steve’s way of thinking). "You want me to punish you, treat you like you treated me these past months, I'm not doing that" His voice was fierce.

 

"It is what I deserve," Steve said "I'm not good with feelings, instead of talk with you like adults I acted like a child. I hurt you for something I didn't know how to deal with myself" the blond exhaled sadly. Tony deserved the truth, no more suppressing his feelings; that were hurting them both.

 

Steve could see Tony was dubious, so he waited for his response.

 

"Why have you given me the cold shoulder then?" Tony asked cautiously like he really didn't want to know the answer to that but couldn't avoid asking.

 

Steve tried to gather the words in his brain; he had to make Tony understand that he didn't blame him for Ultron but for not trusting him enough to tell him about its existence. "You didn't tell me about Ultron" he glanced up at the brunet, noticing his wince, he added, "before everything happened".

 

Steve observed Tony's eyes turn a blank stare like he was seeing something he was not privy to.

 

"So why..." Steve started to question but stopped at the hand signal Tony made.

 

"I saw things that changed me" Tony began; the seriousness of the situation returning to his voice "Ultron was one of my AIs, I have a lot more, you just don't know," He said avoiding Steve's dirty look at him.

 

"Before you ask, no, they are not like Ultron!" Tony said when Steve opened his mouth to argue.

 

Tony then got quiet with a pensive face. And Steve could see he was fighting internally on what to tell him… until it clicked.

 

“Fury told me Wanda messed with your head too,” The blond said gently, like trying not to spook a little animal.

 

Tony sighed and looked up at him through his long lashes. “He did, did he” The brunet made a face.

 

“When you were going to tell me” Steve demanded with a frown in his eyebrows.

 

“I wasn’t going to” Tony spun on his swivel chair, turning away from de blond “but now I have to, don’t I” Steve wasn’t going to leave without an explanation.

 

“What you saw Tony?” Steve asked, gently turning Tony’s chair back to face him.

 

Tony had his eyes downcast like trapped in a memory.

 

“Tony,” Steve said with concern, placing a hand on the smaller man shoulder.

 

“I saw you die” Tony looked straight into his blue eyes.

 

The impact of the words made the blond falter, almost missing the babble that came after it.

 

“I was there, in some weird wreckage place, and I could see Earth being invaded by Chitauris and Leviathans. Hulk was dead, Widow was dead, Clint was dead and Thor too.” Tony said in frenzy, moving his arms everywhere, trying to explain.

 

Steve tenderly got hold of his flying hands “Breath Tony” The blond moved one of the genius hands towards his chest, grounding him with his breathing.

 

Tony calmed down, breathing hard through his nose. “You said…said it was my fault, that I could have done more” The brunet looked at him with angst eyes, “Just before you died too”

 

Steve felt heartbroken; he knew how real Wanda’s powers were felt on the mind. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” The soldier knows how it feels to lose everything.

 

“Ultron was to keep you safe, the team safe,” Tony said letting go of Steve’s hand, trying to recover from the small panic attack the subject caused. “I’m sorry it went wrong”

 

The brunet tried to turn his chair away again, but Steve didn’t let him. “It wasn’t your fault Tony, not entirely” He added the last part at the incredulous glance Tony gave him and the discussion it would follow. “You tried your best to keep us safe, and I just got into your way when you were trying to fix it by creating Vision, gosh, I attacked you”

 

Steve recoiled at the memory, remembering the awful things he said to the brunet on the farmhouse.

 

“Tony, I…” The soldier started with regret but decided the truth was better “You gave me a home, a family.  You are my best friend in this century, and I felt hurt you didn't trust me enough to tell me about Ultron. I attacked you and thought I had to punish you to make you feel as hurt as I felt. I tried to deny I don’t love you, but the truth is that I love you so much that it physically hurts". Steve breathed deeply, sensing a weight lift from his chest at the same time apprehension slowly took its place.

 

Tony's eyes zeroed on him again, a softer expression morphing on his hazel eyes “you have been talking to Natasha” He smirked. And Steve thought it wasn't his imagination that there was a pink blush on the genius cheeks.

 

At Tony’s cute reaction, Steve deduced the sentiment is reciprocal. And soon it was confirmed:

 

Tony awkwardly scratched the side of head, making his hair stand up on one side “Iloveyoutoo”

 

Steve began to smile with happiness but stopped when the brunet’s expression fell.

 

“I thought you hated me after Ultron and because of that you weren’t coming for me this time,” Tony said dejectedly, rubbing his face with his hand.

 

“Tony” Steve was wrecked, this was his fault “I’ll always come for you, no matter what.” The soldier caught the genius hands on his own again, absently noting they were smaller than his “I searched for you nonstop; the image of you been taken by that robot devastated me. I thought I would never see you again.”

 

Tony stared at his eyes, searching for something. And Steve tried not to flinch and turn away by the intensity of it.

 

“I want to believe you so hard,” The smaller man said, glancing at their interlocked hands.

 

Resolve permeated the blond’s core, he will show Tony he can trust him, no matter how much time it takes, “You don’t need to believe me right now, I‘ll give you enough reasons”

 

The brunet looked awed at him “no one has been patient with me before” and then Steve had a lap full of Tony.

 

And as Steve embraced the small brunet, felt the coconut scent of his fluffy hair and the warmth of his skin, he knew what he had to do. If he intended to really start a life together with Tony, he had to do his, no matter how much it would hurt on both of them.

 

“Tony, baby, I have to tell you something,” The blond said serious, trying not to regret what he was about to do.

 

The brunet raised his head from the blond’s shoulder, the corner of his mouth crinkling up at the endearment. “What” Tony had a full smile now.

 

He would do it, no matter if Tony hated him later; no matter if he never felt the genius in his arms again or see his smile and cute face. He was going to do this!

 

“It’s about your parents,” Steve said with courage.

 

Tony’s smile vanished.

 

 

\---

 

 

And after the bottles and mugs flung to the wall, after the tables turned and the punches on his face and chest, after seeing Tony pull his own hair in distress, Steve held him while he cried nonstop, held him when he trashed with a panic attack. Steve cried with him and then carried him to bed when the brunet passed out in exhaustion. And when Tony waked up, he was still there.

 

And when the accords came, months afterward, they signed, they brought Buck to a safe facility, they arrested Zemo and they put Ross in jail.

 

Because they were together.

 

-end

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked.
> 
> \- see you xD


End file.
